A friend of mine recently went out with a guy, Sam. They had a good time, smooched a little, and went their separate ways for the night. So, the seed was planted for a second date at the very least.

But Sam’s mistakes turned a promising situation into a bad one very quickly. You can find a list of his infractions below. Let me know which one (or more) is a deal breaker for you:

General Psycho Behavior

Sam wasn’t keen on giving Allison much time to answer his texts before he was on the attack again. 

Forcing a Date

Early on in his text assault, Sam asked Allison to get together during the upcoming week. But Allison said she was busy at work and offered to set something up for the next week. Instead of respecting her wishes, Sam fired back with “Well, I was really hoping to see you before the weekend.”

Making A Woman Feel Wrong For How She Feels

It didn’t take long for Sam’s intense texting to turn Allison off. She politely explained that he was coming on a little strong but wanted to remain friends. Instead of accepting Allison’s words, Sam argued that he wasn’t a game player (implying that Allison was interested in games).

Inadvertent Insults

After accusing Allison of being a game-player, Sam went on to explain that he was a “grown man interested in a deep committed relationship.” He instructed her to let him know if she was ever interested in the same. Allison came away from this exchange feeling like he called her a whore.

Hubris and Glibness

After the ordeal was over and Sam finally accepted he lost his grip on a chance at another date (and reality), he finished it off by texting that he “never had this happen before.” What a stud he must be. Judging by his behavior, it was pretty easy for Allison to glean that he has probably been through this quite often.

So there you have it: eight infractions inside of a couple days of texting. Which of these do you think is the worst, and at what point would you be fed up? I explained to Allison that she should have been freaked out by the 7:30AM text, but hindsight is 20/20. So what are your thoughts? What is the worst text or texting infraction you’ve received from a guy?

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This past weekend I was discussing marriage with two female friends. One woman was older (her children are college age) and one woman is younger, in her first year of marriage. Interestingly, they had similar points of view on marriage. They felt marriage puts too much pressure on a relationship, and allows you no “out”. They opined marriage changes things, but didn’t know the reason why. My biggest question is why marriage is such a change if you’ve been in love for a long time.

The older friend said she never intends to be married again. In fact, she lives with her boyfriend and her daughters don’t call him a stepfather officially. They call him “the man my mom is living with.” Sometimes they call him “my mom’s ski instructor” which is my personal favorite nickname. The younger said she would probably not have gotten married if he had asked at this point in her life (versus a few months ago). 

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries punctuated this conversation by splitting after just 72 days of marriage. What was the point of their marriage (other than making a huge production out of it)? Do you mean to tell me that, 72 days into marriage, two people can’t commit enough to work on it?

Why do couples seem caught off guard after they get married? I figured taking time before marriage: dating, living together, learning not to take each other for granted, learning to solve conflict, working together as a team, mimicking marriage as much as possible gradually limits the “shock” after wedding day.

The lack of “marriage practice” must mean that people in committed relationships feel they can leave at any time, cheat, move to another country to pursue a career…until they are married. Maybe marriage wouldn’t be so tough if people practiced beforehand, to the point where the ceremony was just a fun formality. Listening to successfully married elders is helpful as well. 

Is there a way to prepare for this shock? And what is the shock exactly? Is it the realization that there’s no turning back? Is it the realization that you’ve lost yourself? How can crossing to the other side from committed relationship to marriage pry two people apart?

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One conflict rears its ugly head in many men’s lives: sports versus significant other. It’s understandable that a woman might feel like second fiddle to her boyfriend’s sports obsession. With a few quick etiquette tips, though, women can figure out how with their guy’s life during sports seasons.

We love a gal who truly loves sports. When a woman caters her schedule around her beloved team, it’s real. My best girlfriend from college is a Steelers fan who not only caught every game, but also vented frustration with little known Steeler backup players. These kinds of women are welcome additions to a group of sports viewers.

But if a woman tries too hard, we’ll see right through it. Fringe fans flock to teams like the New York Yankees because they’re trendy. A woman who roots honestly for random teams like the Buffalo Bills, Northwestern Wildcats, or Kansas City Royals is much more respected among males. We notice when women come out of the woodwork to support a team in the playoffs, or to follow a crowd.

My friend Margaret was a Washington Redskins fan when we first met. After she started dating my friend, she suddenly became a Baltimore Ravens fan. Keep in mind, a Washington to Baltimore jump, or vice versa, is extremely rare…and quite inexcusable, regardless of your gender.

If you’re unsure of a comment that you want to make during a game, it’s best not to say it. Some women ask questions and make record-scratching comments causing all the guys to glance uneasily at one another. If you’re not a sports fan, but you’re attending the game, think of yourself as a first week employee in a business meeting. Guys are touchy about who they watch the game with, so gate crashers will be on their radars. Guys are happy to teach a woman about sports, as long as she truly wants to learn.

When a guy starts bringing his girlfriend to sports-watching sessions, it causes ripples across the group. Women who attend will be under the microscope. Some girlfriends declare they don’t give a hoot about sports. They do their own thing while their guy watches sports. When a woman forces her way in, she won’t be in good graces with the guys. But if she truly enjoys sports, or stays completely out of it, she’ll be the apple of every guy’s eye. Don’t try too hard if you’re not in to sports. If you want to be taught, you have to really want to be there. Don’t be the med school student who just wants to make a lot of money.  And don’t horn in just because you don’t want your boyfriend to do something without you.

How do you and your boyfriend handle sports? Are his friends easy to be with during sporting events? Are there any lady activities that you would compare to sports for guys? Are you touchy if your boyfriend wants to participate?

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I’ve recently started allowing Pam, the girl I’m dating, insight into my sad financial management. Because Pam is more organized and “Type A” than I am, she got frustrated as soon as she got a look at my accounts.

Her criticism is well-founded and plentiful: “Why do you go to non-bank ATMs? Look at these last four withdrawals. You’ve spent over $10 in service fees.”

My answer is: “Well, I was wasted and in need of cash.”

“Three cups of coffee a day? Do you really need to buy that much coffee?”

My answer is: “The coffee at work sucks.”

The classic complaints are: men don’t listen, and women nag. It’s tough to change a partner’s habits (such as time budgeting or smoking) because they often take it personally. The paradox is that you’re only in their ear about it because you care so much about the quality of their life. If you don’t want your lover to think you’re a nag, you must practice constructive criticism.

The person being criticized must acknowledge they have a problem. I openly admit I suck with my money, and I want help. If your partner isn’t ready to own up to their problem, you might reconsider tackling the issue with them. You will seem like a nag every time you try.

A “teacher” must avoid being hypocritical. Pam is great with her money. She’ll pick up food to avoid tipping a delivery guy. She consistently tips 20%, while I sometimes tip a cabbie 25% just because he drove across a bridge, or because he was a nice guy.

There are a few elements in a man’s perception of a nag. First of all, a nag is negative. A guy’s life mantra is “ignorance is bliss.” We sulk when someone blows up that little parade. Secondly, a nag is consistent. If your guy thinks “Oh man, I’m going to get it for this,” a lot of the time, then you’ve lost him. If you erupt too often, your pupil might hide pieces of a story. I admit I’ve kept a few “details” away from Pam’s search light because I feared the consequences.

Don’t highlight the mistakes more than the triumphs. Sometimes I feel like Pam notices my dumb financial mistakes more than my successful moves (come to think of it, maybe I don’t have any successful financial moves under my belt). And try to put the argument in his language. Pam might say: “You know if you went to your own bank’s ATMs, that $10 you saved in fees would buy you 3 beers at happy hour.” Maybe you can offer up a trade: “If you’re better with your money, I’ll stop making you watch Jersey Shore with me.”

Finally, never expect perfection…at least not right away. Climbing a mountain without steps and support is overwhelming. As a teacher, you’re helping your pupil by lighting the way and holding their hand. Don’t lay down the law, walk away, and expect him to get it right away. The reason the rift is there is because their mind works differently than yours, and that’s OK. Maybe I’m just saying: Be nice.

What kind of argument tactics does you use to avoid being a nag? Do you agree that changing habits is a difficult argument to tackle?

I recently a read a Q&A in which a woman describes struggling with dating a “nice guy.” Everything is going well until they have sex — it’s bad. I thought it was a shame that a relationship that seemed to be heading in the right direction could be derailed by problems in the bedroom. I’m not going to argue that sex can’t destroy a relationship, but I think, sometimes, bad sex can get better.

Couples can overcome physical challenges. In the beginning, it’s tough to know what your partner enjoys. So, being “off rhythm,” touching the wrong spots, or being a poor kisser can be fixed. Physically, you can coach each other on your likes and dislikes. After a while, you’ll know what to do, and how long to do it. With work, communication, and honesty, bad sex based on physical issues can be improved.

But if it’s a mental disconnect that’s making sex unsatisfying, it’s tougher to fix. A friend of mine once told me that sex with her boyfriend was so boring, she used to count the tiles in his bedroom ceiling during the act. For a good mental sexual connection, there needs to be some lust involved. In a long-term relationship, lust is rooted in the chemistry you share with your partner. It has to occur naturally — it can’t be taught or intensified through conversation. Just like any other activity, sex won’t be amazing every time. You’re both have off days. So, don’t jump to conclusions after a few bad encounters.

Finally, there is a spiritual connection that can happen during sex. This type of connection, or lack or connection, is tough to change or improve. There are many reasons that one may not be satisfied spiritually during sex. It all has to do with that person’s core beliefs. A man who is gay, but hasn’t been with another man yet, will not spiritually enjoy sex with women. People who have monogamous sex when they secretly long for multiple partners will not be spiritually satisfied. Conversely, people who are having casual sex, when they actually want a long term relationship, will feel empty. Satisfying your spiritual side sexually requires knowing what you want and working to fulfill that desire.

In my opinion, only one type of sexual “issue” can be fixed. If you’re mentally or spiritually unsatisfied, you might have to think about whether you’re with the right person.

Do you agree with my point of view? What are your thoughts? Can bad sex be improved more often than not?